For as long as I can remember, I've been in this place. I've survived the humidity that embraced me throughout the summers, and felt so many parts of me go rigid in the cold of the winter. I've weathered storms and lived through the history that changed the community that surrounded me each day.
They always arrive and leave with so many mixed emotions. Some happy - a fresh start, a new opportunity and a new adventure. Some sad - relationships left behind, distances that have swollen and ambitions put on hold.
Sometimes I watch her anger and wonder if I just remind her of how things are always changing, but somehow staying the same. My cracks and hisses make her cry because they remind her that she doesn't know me and is sometimes scared of that. Over time, she gets to know me; all the sounds, all the surfaces and grooves. Then she has to go. I become a souvenir of adjustment.
I feel his worry tangled up with his obligations. I see the pride in his eyes as he admires his family with their love and strength. I feel the distress in his chest when he tells them that he has to go. I feel him softly put his palms on me to steady himself because he doesn't want them to see.
I never imagined that I could love until I felt the smiles and laughter that echoed in the halls. I never understood sorrow, until I felt how heavy a heart can feel in an empty room.
I've never had a family to nurture me or scold me when the timing was right - a father to share stories of the past and regale in what the future holds; a mother who would hold me close when I was scared and sing away my troubles; a brother or sister to torment and share secret laughs with; a husband or a wife to share longing stares with; a child to care for and keep safe from all harm. I've never had any one of those, but sometimes I can be each one for everyone.
One day, when my bones get brittle and the heat no longer runs through me, someone will remember the empty space where I once stood.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Infinite Space - Infinite Terror
Ok... so, really random must post... I have no idea why the thought entered my miniscule and often overheated brain, but I had to share. I already tweeted this (shameless plug.. @MAWessan) but felt that it warranted a late night blog post.
Fin.
Do you remember 1997? Good. Now do you remember Event Horizon? Good for you if you did because I think that movie messed me up for a good week after I saw it.
This is going to be a short post but if you didn't see it or just don't remember it... Let's let .357 Lover break it down for you!
Fin.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
No one parties like the Armenians...
This past Thanksgiving long weekend (for all us Canadians out there), Mr. and I headed to Cambridge, Ontario for a wedding on the ever popular October 10, 2010 (10-10-10). The groom was a former colleague of Mr., and we were delighted to have been invited.
The wedding ceremony was conducted by the groom's father with the majority being spoken in Armenian. The Armenian Evangelical Church was swollen with people and we were lucky enough to have arrived fairly early to find seats. It was the typical ideal day and ceremony... beautiful bride... handsome and nervous groom sweating profusely... and lots of sunshine and love in the air.
At the conclusion of the ceremony, Mr. and I ducked out and headed back towards the hotel for a light snack and to put our feet up before the night began. While at the time it seemed like a good idea to head to the local A&W to eat a burger and onion rings in a three-piece suit and dress, we later realized the mistake we made by eating beforehand.
We arrived at the Armenian Community Centre which was filled with a sea of tables and chairs decorated with golden satin. The room was beautifully decorated with large streaming creme satin ribbons going from each corner of the room to a grand crystal chandelier in the middle. Very Hollywood glam and elegant to say the least. The head table was set up in two tiered levels with chairs for the bride, groom, best man and maid of honour at the top, and bridesmaids and groomsmen at the bottom.
A blend of traditional Armenian music (traditional string instrument, drums and keyboard) and what seemed to be pop music started off the night as the MC made his way to the microphone to introduce the bridal party. The bridal party was welcomed with a mix of applause and hollers. The entrance of the bride and groom was one in which I have never experienced. As they entered the room, they were accompanied by a large drum and a traditional Armenian wind instrument that resembled a clarinet. They danced and twirled as they entered and were welcomed by family and friends that quickly encircled them on the dance floor. The music grew louder and faster, and soon many were holding hands and were magically dancing around the bride and groom in a circle. For a brief period, the bride and groom were hoisted on shoulders, and all you could see was a sea of smiling faces, legs kicking and moving in circles to the music and wrists magically twisting in tune with the rhythm of the beats. It was like nothing else in the world existed at that moment except for the bride and the groom and the music.
The formal portion of the evening compromised of speeches from the groom's father, uncle, best man and the groom (on behalf of himself and the beautiful bride). While the speeches by the groom's father and uncle were delivered in Armenian, the emotion and the forcefulness in the words that they used were enough that even though I didn't understand the language, I felt the right emotions for the words that were being spoken.
How to best describe the rest of the night?... food.. music...dance..rinse and repeat. Plates of puff pastries with cheese and spinach, antipastos, hummus, pitas, sausages and tzatziki filled our table even before the main course of chicken and beef tenderloin were served. While I let out a mini sigh of relief that there was no formal dessert and it would just be dessert tables, I realized I relaxed prematurely. I walked into the room where all the desserts were laid out and it felt like someone read my mind and came and punched me in the gut for thinking that it wouldn't be too bad. Due to the fact that I am weak, I felt like I had to try a bit of everything... what is that they say... leave no stone unturned? Well, I wish I had left many stones alone. By the time I walked back to the table, I was surprised my arm wasn't sore from carrying my dessert plate that had baklava, fruits, a mini egg pie and a slice of chocolate mousse cake. I thought to myself that the Mr. and I would share... WRONG! He had come back with his own plate with cheesecake, fruits and a mille-feuilles. I wish I had been wearing stretchy pants that night.
Once my stomach came out of shock and everything seemed to settle to a tolerable level, the wine and liquors started to flow from the open bar (yes... the Armenians can party) and the dancing was in full swing. I sat for a while watching and admiring how all ages filled the dance floor. The mix of pop and Armenian music from the live band was entrancing to me, and it was amazing to see how engaged everyone was. The most admirable to see was the amount of young adults there were moving to the music, smiling and enjoying themselves amongst their parents and relatives - a sight you don't see often these days. As I sat and admired, I was caught off guard by a hand that grabbed my arm from out of nowhere. Before I knew it, I was pulled onto the dance floor by one of the groom's relatives. There was nothing I could do but to follow his orders of "hands in the air.. hands in the air... hips hips hips hips.." There I was dancing with his wife and children, and then two minutes later, the Mr. was right there beside me with a half scared smile on his face, attempting to follow the same directions I was given, "hands... hips..."
While I couldn't tell you what time that party went on until, the Mr. and I called it a night just after midnight and headed back to the hotel. We both agreed that we could honestly say that despite the fact that we only knew the groom at that wedding, it was probably one of the best weddings we have ever been to, and one that we soon won't forget.
The wedding ceremony was conducted by the groom's father with the majority being spoken in Armenian. The Armenian Evangelical Church was swollen with people and we were lucky enough to have arrived fairly early to find seats. It was the typical ideal day and ceremony... beautiful bride... handsome and nervous groom sweating profusely... and lots of sunshine and love in the air.
At the conclusion of the ceremony, Mr. and I ducked out and headed back towards the hotel for a light snack and to put our feet up before the night began. While at the time it seemed like a good idea to head to the local A&W to eat a burger and onion rings in a three-piece suit and dress, we later realized the mistake we made by eating beforehand.
We arrived at the Armenian Community Centre which was filled with a sea of tables and chairs decorated with golden satin. The room was beautifully decorated with large streaming creme satin ribbons going from each corner of the room to a grand crystal chandelier in the middle. Very Hollywood glam and elegant to say the least. The head table was set up in two tiered levels with chairs for the bride, groom, best man and maid of honour at the top, and bridesmaids and groomsmen at the bottom.
A blend of traditional Armenian music (traditional string instrument, drums and keyboard) and what seemed to be pop music started off the night as the MC made his way to the microphone to introduce the bridal party. The bridal party was welcomed with a mix of applause and hollers. The entrance of the bride and groom was one in which I have never experienced. As they entered the room, they were accompanied by a large drum and a traditional Armenian wind instrument that resembled a clarinet. They danced and twirled as they entered and were welcomed by family and friends that quickly encircled them on the dance floor. The music grew louder and faster, and soon many were holding hands and were magically dancing around the bride and groom in a circle. For a brief period, the bride and groom were hoisted on shoulders, and all you could see was a sea of smiling faces, legs kicking and moving in circles to the music and wrists magically twisting in tune with the rhythm of the beats. It was like nothing else in the world existed at that moment except for the bride and the groom and the music.
The formal portion of the evening compromised of speeches from the groom's father, uncle, best man and the groom (on behalf of himself and the beautiful bride). While the speeches by the groom's father and uncle were delivered in Armenian, the emotion and the forcefulness in the words that they used were enough that even though I didn't understand the language, I felt the right emotions for the words that were being spoken.
How to best describe the rest of the night?... food.. music...dance..rinse and repeat. Plates of puff pastries with cheese and spinach, antipastos, hummus, pitas, sausages and tzatziki filled our table even before the main course of chicken and beef tenderloin were served. While I let out a mini sigh of relief that there was no formal dessert and it would just be dessert tables, I realized I relaxed prematurely. I walked into the room where all the desserts were laid out and it felt like someone read my mind and came and punched me in the gut for thinking that it wouldn't be too bad. Due to the fact that I am weak, I felt like I had to try a bit of everything... what is that they say... leave no stone unturned? Well, I wish I had left many stones alone. By the time I walked back to the table, I was surprised my arm wasn't sore from carrying my dessert plate that had baklava, fruits, a mini egg pie and a slice of chocolate mousse cake. I thought to myself that the Mr. and I would share... WRONG! He had come back with his own plate with cheesecake, fruits and a mille-feuilles. I wish I had been wearing stretchy pants that night.
Once my stomach came out of shock and everything seemed to settle to a tolerable level, the wine and liquors started to flow from the open bar (yes... the Armenians can party) and the dancing was in full swing. I sat for a while watching and admiring how all ages filled the dance floor. The mix of pop and Armenian music from the live band was entrancing to me, and it was amazing to see how engaged everyone was. The most admirable to see was the amount of young adults there were moving to the music, smiling and enjoying themselves amongst their parents and relatives - a sight you don't see often these days. As I sat and admired, I was caught off guard by a hand that grabbed my arm from out of nowhere. Before I knew it, I was pulled onto the dance floor by one of the groom's relatives. There was nothing I could do but to follow his orders of "hands in the air.. hands in the air... hips hips hips hips.." There I was dancing with his wife and children, and then two minutes later, the Mr. was right there beside me with a half scared smile on his face, attempting to follow the same directions I was given, "hands... hips..."
While I couldn't tell you what time that party went on until, the Mr. and I called it a night just after midnight and headed back to the hotel. We both agreed that we could honestly say that despite the fact that we only knew the groom at that wedding, it was probably one of the best weddings we have ever been to, and one that we soon won't forget.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Monday Recall...
The word Monday never really brings feelings of excitement or eagerness does it? When you think Monday, all you want to be thinking about is Friday. So why not make Monday a recall?
I'm not saying to recall Monday as a defect that needs to have some parts fixed and sent back to me - I'm saying, why not do a time recall? Rather than agonizing over what we traditionally think of Mondays, let's infuse the day with a brief peek back to a day when it may or may not have been Monday. It's time to take Mondays back... it's time for a Monday Recall!
Today, I heard a song that I had not heard since 1994 - in a time when one Eric Draven died and came back to life to kick ass on behalf of love, all while looking hot in black leather and white face make-up. Hint?
The Big Empty by The Stone Temple Pilots was playing on internet radio today and it brought me back to one of my favourite movies, The Crow. I remember being 14 or 15 watching that movie and realizing how deep and how complex it was. To this day, I can watch it again and still have the same experience that I did at that age. Regardless of my personal experience, this movie had a huge impact to the culture of 1994. The provocativeness of the characters and the layers in the soundtrack brought a strange convergence between darkness and purity. Even the reality in the mystery behind Brandon Lee's death, only further provoked curiosity and emotional attachment to the film.
I remember being in high school and one of my best friends decided to dress as Eric Draven for Hallowe'en. With him, it worked, it fit and even though the movie was so dark, let's get serious here, it was so cool!
So whether you liked the Cure, Nine Inch Nails, hot guys in leather or uber cool and dark fight scenes, you can't help but think back to 1994 and whatever feelings you had about The Crow.
So what did we get from this Monday Recall? It can't rain all the time.
I'm not saying to recall Monday as a defect that needs to have some parts fixed and sent back to me - I'm saying, why not do a time recall? Rather than agonizing over what we traditionally think of Mondays, let's infuse the day with a brief peek back to a day when it may or may not have been Monday. It's time to take Mondays back... it's time for a Monday Recall!
Today, I heard a song that I had not heard since 1994 - in a time when one Eric Draven died and came back to life to kick ass on behalf of love, all while looking hot in black leather and white face make-up. Hint?
The Big Empty by The Stone Temple Pilots was playing on internet radio today and it brought me back to one of my favourite movies, The Crow. I remember being 14 or 15 watching that movie and realizing how deep and how complex it was. To this day, I can watch it again and still have the same experience that I did at that age. Regardless of my personal experience, this movie had a huge impact to the culture of 1994. The provocativeness of the characters and the layers in the soundtrack brought a strange convergence between darkness and purity. Even the reality in the mystery behind Brandon Lee's death, only further provoked curiosity and emotional attachment to the film.
I remember being in high school and one of my best friends decided to dress as Eric Draven for Hallowe'en. With him, it worked, it fit and even though the movie was so dark, let's get serious here, it was so cool!
So whether you liked the Cure, Nine Inch Nails, hot guys in leather or uber cool and dark fight scenes, you can't help but think back to 1994 and whatever feelings you had about The Crow.
So what did we get from this Monday Recall? It can't rain all the time.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Taste of... The Valley
It's been a crisp fall weekend and we've managed to have drinks with friends, run errands and do chores - all while having a little taste of what the Ottawa Valley has to offer.
Yesterday consisted of a stroll down to the main drag of Pembroke where we make our usual visit to one of our favourite spots - Ullrich's on Main. Ullrich's is a German deli/gourmet food shoppe of sorts that has a quaint café attached to it.
The food shoppe itself boasts a delectable selection of imported cheeses, crackers and confections; as well as homemade sausages, soups, perogies (savoury and sweet), prepared salads and marinated meats. Every trip consists of one treat for the Mr., the boy and myself – which usually ends up being one of the vast varieties of Ritter Sport or Fanta available, or some Haribo candy. After resisting multiple temptations of impulse purchases, we always try to end the trip to Ullrich’s with a quick bite at the café.
The café is one of the most inviting little spots with a perfectly crafted one-page menu with delights that tempt all types of eaters. My favourite choice, which I probably order too much, is the seafood melt. The melt is a delicious mixture of crabmeat, shrimp, and green onion tossed in a light cream sauce nestled between two perfectly toasted slices of locally baked bread. Homemade tortilla chips, red pepper dip, and a choice of salad, fries or homemade soup accompany each entrée. Don’t dismiss the soup option though my friend! These soups are made fresh and in house, with different daily choices of broth (like the tomato basil orange soup) or cream (like the butternut squash with mango).
So, if you’re ever in Pembroke or maybe planning on making a trip through the highway, take a quick visit into Ullrich’s and I guarantee you’ll come out of there with something that you like!
Yesterday consisted of a stroll down to the main drag of Pembroke where we make our usual visit to one of our favourite spots - Ullrich's on Main. Ullrich's is a German deli/gourmet food shoppe of sorts that has a quaint café attached to it.
The food shoppe itself boasts a delectable selection of imported cheeses, crackers and confections; as well as homemade sausages, soups, perogies (savoury and sweet), prepared salads and marinated meats. Every trip consists of one treat for the Mr., the boy and myself – which usually ends up being one of the vast varieties of Ritter Sport or Fanta available, or some Haribo candy. After resisting multiple temptations of impulse purchases, we always try to end the trip to Ullrich’s with a quick bite at the café.
The café is one of the most inviting little spots with a perfectly crafted one-page menu with delights that tempt all types of eaters. My favourite choice, which I probably order too much, is the seafood melt. The melt is a delicious mixture of crabmeat, shrimp, and green onion tossed in a light cream sauce nestled between two perfectly toasted slices of locally baked bread. Homemade tortilla chips, red pepper dip, and a choice of salad, fries or homemade soup accompany each entrée. Don’t dismiss the soup option though my friend! These soups are made fresh and in house, with different daily choices of broth (like the tomato basil orange soup) or cream (like the butternut squash with mango).
So, if you’re ever in Pembroke or maybe planning on making a trip through the highway, take a quick visit into Ullrich’s and I guarantee you’ll come out of there with something that you like!
Friday, October 1, 2010
TGIF!
It's Friday and the first of the month so what do I have to say? It's been almost three months since I started working from home and I'm happy to report that I haven't slacked off or didn't give in to the temptation of the warm and sunny days of summer. No matter how many times my deck called out to me, I stood strong and stayed within the confines of my office.
Don't get me wrong, the long days of staring at documents and spreadsheets did lull me into near comas but it's been a great opportunity. I get to walk my son to the bus stop and be there when he steps foot off of it. We now have dinner at a decent hour and I occasionally get the opportunity to wait until the afternoon to take a shower.
Since I've been able to spend more time at home, I've been able to indulge in one of my favourite things...cooking! My TV toggles only between Family Channel, Teletoon and The Food Network (with the weekly exceptions of Modern Family and Vampire Diaries). The Mr. has no arguments to the constant cooking and attempts at baking.
One tried and true goodie that I've been able to make a few times has been Filipino empanadas. Buttery flaky pastry with just a hint of sweetness to offset the mixture of ground beef, peas, potatoes and spices. When I used to make them, I always felt like something was missing - like it needed updating. Rather than changing a good thing, I complemented it with a nice curry mayo dipping sauce that just brought everything together.
So what exactly did I learn? That something familiar like a plain old empanada can be transformed with just a little bit of sauce. I'm not saying I'm going to use this as a metaphor to have some sort of life altering experience. No, that would be lame. Ha! I guess it just means that this plain old me just needed a little mayo and curry powder to get things started.
So, the adventure for tomorrow... I will stop staring at the butternut squash sitting on my counter and make her over into a velvety, golden goddess.
Don't get me wrong, the long days of staring at documents and spreadsheets did lull me into near comas but it's been a great opportunity. I get to walk my son to the bus stop and be there when he steps foot off of it. We now have dinner at a decent hour and I occasionally get the opportunity to wait until the afternoon to take a shower.
Since I've been able to spend more time at home, I've been able to indulge in one of my favourite things...cooking! My TV toggles only between Family Channel, Teletoon and The Food Network (with the weekly exceptions of Modern Family and Vampire Diaries). The Mr. has no arguments to the constant cooking and attempts at baking.
One tried and true goodie that I've been able to make a few times has been Filipino empanadas. Buttery flaky pastry with just a hint of sweetness to offset the mixture of ground beef, peas, potatoes and spices. When I used to make them, I always felt like something was missing - like it needed updating. Rather than changing a good thing, I complemented it with a nice curry mayo dipping sauce that just brought everything together.
So what exactly did I learn? That something familiar like a plain old empanada can be transformed with just a little bit of sauce. I'm not saying I'm going to use this as a metaphor to have some sort of life altering experience. No, that would be lame. Ha! I guess it just means that this plain old me just needed a little mayo and curry powder to get things started.
So, the adventure for tomorrow... I will stop staring at the butternut squash sitting on my counter and make her over into a velvety, golden goddess.
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